


Testing Your Acceptance

by Toadstewls



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awkward Ben Solo, Awkward Conversations, Creepy Ben Solo, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Mental Health Issues, Moral Ambiguity, Obsessive thoughts, POV Ben Solo, POV Third Person, Size Kink, Slice of Life, Smut, Story Rich, Therapy, Unreliable Narrator, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:00:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29931039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toadstewls/pseuds/Toadstewls
Summary: Ben had the idea that change is a punishment. He was once a millionaire in the making—a budding cannabis entrepreneur—his work a high success, he says.Then he had an episode.And then she started living in his basement.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	1. little Rey Kenobi

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This fic will talk about mental health, specifically depression and anxiety. Other content warnings will be noted before each chapter. 
> 
> There will be smut. Ben is sad and horny. Rey is anxious... and horny. 
> 
> please leave comments, advice and feedback are always welcome.

Ben had not moved. He lied in his bed, molded to the position he fell asleep in. It’s fine, he thinks, he can look out the window. He does not need to move to keep his mind entertained. There is sure a lot of fun things that go on in there anyway. He could hear the cicadas chirping. They were a symphony. 

He’s depressed—that’s the best way he can put it. However, it’s never been this obvious. He hasn’t brushed his teeth in… two weeks? He can’t remember. His skin is dry, it’s never been this dry. He can start to see little flakes fall onto his pillow in the morning. He’s lost weight, too. Leia likes to point it out. He can’t tell if she's trying to motivate him or make fun of him. 

Ben just wants to lie in bed. He wants to lie in bed and rot, till the only part left of him is a moldy core of resentment and failure. 

Leia thinks he’s too dramatic. 

“Ben, I need you to pick up your area,” Leia huffed while climbing up the wooden ladder to his area, the attic. 

“Why?” He whined. Leia starts shuffling around like she's looking for something. She picked up a pile of files, sorting through them before throwing them to the side. She started rummaging through scattered boxes in the corner of the attic. “What are you doing?” Ben asked hastily. 

“I’m looking for something. It is disgusting in here, son. Really, I can _see_ the dust floating around. How are you not sneezing?” She rambled, still rummaging. She is on her knees now, wiping her nose to let it be known to Ben just how dusty it is. He rolled his eyes. 

“What are you looking for then. I can help you find it.” He wants her out. He doesn’t like intruders. Unless said intruder is bringing him dinner.

Leia sighs, “’ Member little Rey Kenobi? Little mousy girl, parents died, oh—she had that horrible gap tooth,” Leia rubs her finger across the top of her teeth, “she’s going to be staying with us,” Leia concludes, pulling out the last damp box from the corner. 

Ben paused. He vaguely remembers little Rey Kenobi, very vaguely. He scoured through his memories. He remembered her being tiny, delicate like most children and covered in freckles. He mostly remembers her crying. Maybe it was at the funeral. That is a good enough reason to cry. He thinks further and remembers her uncle—her obese and veiny uncle—he had pulled her into a room Ben was sitting alone in. He assumes they did not notice him because Rey was gifted a hard smack on her forearm for “disrupting the service”.

“I… remember her,” Ben confirmed. “But why is she staying with us? She should be over 18 by now, right? And I am perfectly capable of cleaning my own room. I’m a grown man, Leia,” Ben argued, flipping his sheets to plant his feet on the side of the bed. 

“A grown man would _dust_ once in a while,” She sniffed, “And shower daily. And do the dishes when I ask, and—oh Christ Ben, really? This was my mother's,” Leia grunted, holding up an opened page of a photo album. A noticeable tear was made at the edge. He remembered running out of joint filters. The album just happened to be there.

“I did that in high school,” he deadpanned. 

“Her uncle was sent away,” Leia continued to sort through different manilla folders. She pulled out a slip of paper, folding it and tucking it in her front pocket. 

“Sent away?” Ben was curious.

“Prison,” Leia confirmed. Oh, prison, seems appropriate. 

Ben sighed. He wasn’t particularly prepared to have any house guests. He wouldn’t admit to himself that he didn’t want anyone to see him in the state he is in. Even if it was little Rey Kenobi. Well, she probably won’t be so little anymore. 

“This is the first time I’ve seen you be such a good Samaritan. Opening up your home to a sad little orphan girl,” Ben chided. Leia scoffed.

“She’s my goddaughter. She has nowhere to go. She won’t bother you if that’s what you are so worried about—” Leia stalked closer to his bed, wiping her hands over the side of the wall collecting dust on her fingers. “She might even help you clean this pigsty since I’m going to give her chores. Since _someone_ is too much of a man child to dust his room.”

“The doctors said I can’t live on my own until I’m stable. Remember that, Leia? I’m too dangerous for my own good.”

Leia posed her hand on her hip, glaring at him. “Are you gonna stay in bed all day? Or can you be a big boy and help me make room for our guest?”

Ben shrugged. His back was starting to ache from his constant lounging. His knees cracked when he stood up.

_

Rey was given the basement to stay in. It was spacious, unfinished, but perhaps some posters or those teen TikTok lights would liven up the place. He doesn’t know what teenagers like anymore. 

Ben was anxious. He had not spoken to anyone except his business partner, Hux, and Leia since his return home, after the episode. His communication skills were dwindling, how he was going to talk to a teenage girl was conjuring worry. She had to be 18 by now. It has been so long since he has seen her. 

Ben’s interests were banal, nothing Rey would relate to at all. His goal once he graduated high school was to be on the cover of Forbes. "Billionaire under thirty" had a nice ring to it. Though current events have made it clear that billionaires were not in favor of the public. It was easy to prioritize money. Money is a number— something attainable. With enough hard work and _no_ distractions, it was easy to dream that great fortune was in his future. It was a big dream, a little too big. Way too big. He’s now 26. He has 4 years to accomplish his eccentric billionaire ambition. Judging by the way his life is going now, he doesn’t see that future being realistic anymore. Not that it ever was in the first place. 

A lot has changed after his episode. 

Ben sat on the couch, his foot resting on his knee. He had not showered yet. He will, Rey will appreciate it. Leia will as well, even if she will chide him about it. 

A knock at the door. Leia strutted from the kitchen. It’s Rey, it has to be. A cold chill flushed across his body. He did not know why he was so nervous, it annoyed him. He heard chit-chat from the door. Her voice, he thought, was so… sweet. Toothache sweet. Then there were footsteps. And then he turned his head. 

Little Rey Kenobi was not so little anymore. She was… pretty. Very pretty. Her hair was done up in a half-bun. That was the first thing he noticed. It looked soft. Her face was still covered in freckles. Her smile was wide, scrunching up her face. She was slim, still so delicate. But she was also strong, her arms are toned and legs—oh, wow, her legs—long and tan, shown off with her running shorts. And of course, her tits, which he inadvertently just _happened_ to notice, appeared perky under her loose-fitting t-shirt. He could see her nipples. How long was he staring? He looked back at her face; her smile slightly turned into an awkward grin. 

“Hi, I’m Rey,” she held out her hand. 

“I’m… sorry.”

“I’m sorry?” she quirked an eyebrow.

“No, I’m sorry—I was—I’m Ben,” he coughed into his hand and held it out. She looked down and hesitantly grasped his fingers. Her hand was so little in his. "I remember you."

"Oh— oh yeah. I remember you, too," she responded. "I swam in your pool," she twiddled her thumbs, "once, I don't know, I was little," she forced a laugh. She was nervous, too.

"You were little. Not so much anymore," Ben searched her face. He could faintly see a blush creeping up her neck.

"You're still... big," her eyes widened. Ben didn't react, he was lost in thought. Her skin looked so soft, he could see the glow of her peach fuzz in the light. Was she a virgin? She had to be. She was precious. "Sorry, that was weird," Rey snapped his attention back.

"No! No, not weird, yeah I'm big—"

“Rey! Come on I’ll show you to your room,” Leia interrupted, glaring at Ben while pulling Rey away by her shoulders. 

“Bye Ben,” she murmured under her breath. He offered her a tight smile in return. 

Is he a creep? He is a creep. He felt excited about little Rey Kenobi living in his basement. She would probably walk around the house in those tiny shorts. Maybe she’ll walk around in a sports bra. Maybe she’ll walk out of the shower, her tight little body wet and glistening. She’ll notice him, she would gasp, slowly removing her—holy shit. 

A shower sounds nice. 


	2. actions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: mentions of death and drug use. some smut
> 
> please leave comments, advice and feedback are always welcome

Ben tried distracting himself. He did not want to come out of his room. Sometimes he felt there was an invisible barrier keeping him from leaving this space. His legs would move but his mind would stop him. The attic was spacious, there were plenty of memorabilia stacked in disorganized shelves and boxes. He found himself sitting on his knees in the corner Leia was scrounging in just this morning. At the time, he didn’t care what she was looking for. He did not pay it any mind. Now, he thinks it has something to do with Rey. What if there is more about her here? He couldn’t face her right now. His perverted thoughts frightened him, just a little. Part of him accepts that he is damaged goods; why would a young girl want anything to do with a sad man living in his mother’s attic? Maybe he could befriend her. Or maybe, the more mature approach would be to ignore her entirely. 

Tucked under one of the files Leia had been looking through, there was a photo. It was creased four ways. The back of the photo read in faded blue ink: Kenobi, 2008. These were Rey’s parents. The women sat in the man’s lap, holding a wine glass. They were smiling, the man’s hand was occupied with a cigarette. In the corner, a small child’s figure was cropped out. Ben knew it was Rey, judging by the patterns of freckles covering her shoulders. She was young. This had been taken a few months before their accident. 

He sympathized with her. Losing a parent is hard, for most. He has experience with that. However, they most likely had very different responses to their losses. Poor little Rey Kenobi. 

Ben folded the picture and tucked it gently under the folder. Moments passed and Ben was interrupted by whispers in the hallway beneath him. His chest seized. He listened closely, not to eavesdrop, rather investigate. 

“The bathroom is here, for the hot water you have to turn the faucet all the way to the right,” Leia explained. Their footsteps were getting closer. “This is the attic, don’t go in there unless you want your nose hairs to burn off.” Ben rolled his eyes. He heard a light giggle. Thanks, Leia.

“Um—where does Ben sleep?” Rey asked politely. Ben straightened his shoulders. Leia paused. 

“He sleeps up there, with the bats and roaches. So don’t go up there,” Leia advised rather sternly. It made sense that Leia didn’t want him near Rey, he might taint her. He will taint her, he thinks, intentionally or not. 

Moments passed again. Ben had not moved from his spot on the floor. It was really dusty in here, he thought. If Rey were to come up here, which she won’t—she shouldn’t—but if she were, her nose hairs would probably burn off. 

“Ben!” Leia shouted, startling Ben out of his trance. “Help me with dinner.”

Ben grunted and stood. His legs felt heavy. His whole body felt heavy. 

He entered the kitchen. His attention was hastily turned to Rey, now in a different change of clothes. Tight leggings clung to her legs, showing off her tight little bottom. Ben swallowed. Her chest was covered with a large “NYU” sweater. She looked beautiful, he thought. She was cutting cherry tomatoes with a butter knife. Ben sifted through the drawer next to the fridge, pulling out a smaller cheese knife. It’s easier to cut with. 

“Here, might be easier,” he cleared his throat. She smiled, gently taking it from his hands. Her hands, so little, so warm. They would feel so good around him. 

“Thanks,” she whispered. Leia stirred a pot of spaghetti, mixing in the sauce. She snapped to get Ben’s attention and pointed to the table that he needed to set. 

They sat at the table, Leia on one side, and Rey next to him. He fiddled with his thumbs. She thumped her leg up and down. The food rested in the middle of the table. Neither he nor Rey helped themselves. Leia had already filled her plate. She looked up, the whites of her eyes showing, silently urging them to get their food. Ben reached for the spaghetti, so did Rey. Their hands bumped. Rey immediately pulled back and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“No—please,” Ben waved his hand. She reached again, slower, and filled her plate. The tension at the table was hard to ignore. Awkward family dinners were not a common occurrence for either of them. 

“Rey,” Leia began small talk. “Are you thinking about college yet?”

“Oh—well I was thinking of maybe going to NYU. But ya know, it’s expensive. And far.”

“They have plenty of scholarships you could apply for. You did, what was it, swim team? Track?” Leia inquired. 

“I did track and volleyball. I don’t like the water very much,” she answered. Volleyball, huh. Maybe that’s why her ass looked so nice. All those sports really paid off. 

Ben cleared his throat, “I think you could get into NYU easily,” he looked up, quickly turning his head to Rey. He could feel her eyes intently focused on him. “I mean—with your… life story and all. They eat that shit up.” 

Leia kicked his foot under the table. “What the hell!” Ben boomed. Leia shook her head. Rey was looking down at her plate, spinning her fork in her pasta, not putting it to her mouth. 

“I’m just saying, you could use it to your advantage,” he argued. Rey stayed silent. “University is a scam anyway. You pay thousands of dollars for some old fart to lecture about things he found off Wikipedia. But if you really want to go—”

“That’s enough,” Leia scolded. He looked down at his plate. The spaghetti was quickly turning unappetizing. 

Rey chuckled, “I agree, I just want more sweaters.” Ben relaxed a little. Leia might be upset with him, but at least Rey took it lightly. She gets him. “And my dad went there. Only for a semester, though. But he fell in love with the city,” she took a bite and spoke with her mouth full, “I want to fall in love with something one day, too.”

“That’s sweet, hun,” Leia sighed. 

The rest of the dinner was mundane. Rey and Leia made more small talk. She talked about her uncle some. He was a real ass apparently. Ben already knew that to an extent, but wow, she really did have a tough time. She wasn’t allowed to date. She wasn’t allowed to have friends over to her house. She wasn’t allowed sleepovers. She has a whole lot more life to live, he thought, maybe her worst is over. His has just begun. All the more reason to keep his distance. 

After dinner, Leia had left them to clean up. With Rey around, Leia felt inclined to take a chore vacation. Ben silently scrubbed the dishes. Rey wiped them dry with a rag. Their shoulders occasionally brushed together, leaving tingles in his stomach. 

“So—” Rey cleared her throat, “Um, did you go to college?” she asked.

“Definitely not. My grades were shit,” He huffed. Rey smiled. “But I do own a business. Me and my… friend, Hux, we started a Cannabis farm.” Rey’s eyes widened. 

“Really? That’s… so modern,” she marveled. “I’ve never done weed before.”

Ben chuckled. “I’m not surprised, what with dictator Plutt.” Rey giggled. Her laugh was so light, like a breath of fresh air. He wanted to hear it every day if he could. Making her laugh peeled away some of the darkness he felt surrounded his heart. 

“Maybe I could try,” she suggested, shrugging her shoulders. 

“Yeah, no, Leia already wants to fork my eyes out.”

“She wouldn’t really, would she?” Rey whispered. 

Ben looked down at her. She was shorter than him. When she looked up at him, her eyes widened, like a doe. Her cheeks flushed, or maybe they were always flush. Ben knew he was big, his presence intimidated people a lot. Part of him liked that—people kept their distance. But he didn’t want to scare Rey. God, she was pretty. So pretty. He couldn’t get over it, no matter how hard he tried. She was so little. He could break her. 

  
  


“She wouldn’t… really,” Ben settled. “She just doesn’t like that stuff.”

“Oh.”

“But maybe—maybe one day. When she's gone,” Ben suggested, against better judgment. Rey perked.

“Yeah. You’re an adult, so, you know best,” Rey muttered, scrubbing the clean plates in haste. 

“Right.”

_

  
  


Maybe he was just lonely. Maybe Rey being the first girl he has seen in weeks is exciting his libido. It has nothing to with her pretty round face, or her small perky tits, that would fit so easily in his hands. He didn’t care for her round little ass, that looked so, so good in those leggings. It wasn’t because of how small she was, how easily she would fill his hands. How tight her cunt might be. He definitely wasn’t thinking about her precious voice, how it would sound if he filled her with his fingers. He could only imagine her small gasps and whimpers.

Ben sat alone. It was nighttime, well, early morning. Everyone was asleep, he assumed. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. He was safe, here, in his attic. His perverted thoughts wouldn’t leave these walls. Perhaps, he could indulge. Just a little.

His cock tented his pants. He eased the ache with his palm. He needed to think of something else—of someone else. 

He closed his eyes. Her small hands gripped his base, slowly stroking on the underside of his cock. She is on her knees, they’ve spread apart just slightly. He could picture the patch of dark hair that hid her little cunt. She jerks him, eyes not leaving him. 

Ben started to sweat. Not from his actions, but his morality damning him. 

She kisses his tip, kitten licking the beads of come that started to form. Her mouth slowly wraps around his length. She can’t fit it all the way in. Her hazel eyes stare back into his. Her eyelashes flutter. She’s trying so hard to fit his cock into her hot little mouth. Her hands roam. He would make her touch herself. He desperately wants to see how little Rey finds her pleasure. He wants her to gag. He wants her out of her mind with his cock. 

Ben jerked harder. He couldn’t stop himself.  _ Fuck—That’s it. Keep going. I want to feel the back of your throat _ .

It’s been a while, pleasure hasn’t been on his mind recently. But this—this was almost too much. He came, spouting in his hand. His chest heaved. 

Sleep was never easy, but now it seemed impossible.


	3. rationalize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings: non-consensual touching, non-explicit somnophilia. 
> 
> Please leave comments, advice and feedback are always welcome.

A storm was rolling in. The sky was dark, and the winds were heavy. The rain had not started yet. Ben watched Rey and Leia from his window. Together they folded the lawn chairs and collapsed the umbrellas, moving them to the garage. 

Ben was jealous of Rey. These feelings, on top of the unruly lusty thoughts, were smoldering his perception of his life here. When he had moved back in with Leia, both expected it to be short-term. Just enough time for him to reset. He was… indifferent, at the thought of staying with his mother again. But he will admit—only to himself—that he missed her attention. His first week out of the hospital, he was coddled. His pride fought against it, but the attentiveness of his mother filled a hole inside of him that he did not even realize was there. But that civility was short-lived. Leia had always been mouthy and quick to chastise. She showed her love in different ways, but Ben had a hard time deciphering what was love and what was perhaps callousness. 

Leia spent a lot of time with Rey since she arrived a little over a week ago. They had tea together. Leia had lent her books to read, ones Ben was not allowed to touch. He had a track record of tearing things up. 

This resentment was festering. Some part of him wanted to hate Rey. He is struggling, more than he ever has, and he needs people. He needs his mother. What is keeping him from being direct about that is not obvious to him. He knew Leia always wanted a daughter. Rey was a perfect distraction for her. She was polite, clean, and very, _very_ obedient. Something Ben never was. 

A knock at his door caused his heart to skip. “Yeah?” He called. 

“Hi, it’s me,” Rey’s voice was muffled from behind the door. He stood up straight, flattening out his t-shirt with his hands. 

“Um, Wha—What is it,” his voice cracked. 

“I need you—we need your help with moving the table. Could you… come out?” Rey always sounded so hesitant when she talked to him. Like she did not want to upset him. Ben pondered on what made him give off this impression. 

“Yes,” Ben agreed, trudging to the door. He opened it abruptly. It must have started Rey, she gasped and stepped back. The trap door that led to the attic was left open, causing her to stumble. Her eyes widened, and in a split second, she was pushed to Ben’s chest. He gripped her shoulder hard. He was more scared than she was at that moment. 

“Shit—are you okay?” he choked out, slowly letting his grip fall from her. She had been so warm and small in his arms. Rey looked into his eyes and mumbled a quiet “mhm”. She scurried down the ladder, Ben not far behind her. Her feet touched down with a stomp, and without turning back she sped down the hallway. Ben had a feeling that he made her uncomfortable with his touch. He won’t do it again if that’s what she wishes, to his disappointment. 

The rain started pouring as they walked out. It felt like knives on his skin. Rey was already standing on the opposite side of the patio table, waiting for Ben to pick up the other side. They both were getting soaked; Ben’s hair was already sticking to his forehead. They hauled up the table, Rey pushing forward and Ben stepping back. They made it to the garage without any slips, thank god. When his view was not obstructed by the downpour, he noticed Rey’s completely soaked shirt. It was cute, a nice lilac color. However, he was more focused on her dark bra peeking through the transparency. 

She was a vice, this girl. Always surprising him.

Ben did not stare this time. He kept his head forward, despite his eyes desperately wanting to drift. 

“It’s really pouring now,” Rey commented. She folded her arms across her chest. Her hands rubbed up and down her upper arms. 

“Yep,” Ben replied stiffly. He stood, staring at the back of the house. 

“We should go back inside?” Rey shuffled her feet a bit, silently urging him to follow inside. Ben nodded and strode past her. 

The storm rolled through the evening. By the end of the night, everyone had separated into their respective spaces. Leia had fallen asleep. Ben could tell because ‘Golden Girls’ played at a low volume; the sound of the laugh track fuzzed through her closed door. 

He stalked towards the living room and settled on the couch. The rain was heavy and sharp hitting the concrete outside. It pelted the windows in pitter-patters, a nice distraction to Ben’s ears. Ben reached for the remote sitting on the table in front of him. When he turned to look at the television, a familiar reflection looked back at him. He gasped, “Fuck!”, the remote fell from his hands and landed on the carpet with a thump. “Rey—god, you scared the hell out of me.” 

“Sorry,” she whispered, quickly padding her feet around the couch. She settled on the opposite side of the couch, huddling her knees to her chest. She wore a large zipped-up hoodie and grey sweatpants. She looked like she had been crying. 

“S’ok,” Ben paused. He picked up the remote and placed it on the coffee table again. He waited for her to speak, but after a good amount of silence, Ben began to inquire. “Are you… good?”

“Yeah. Don’t like storms,” she shrugged. Her face turned towards the window. He scanned her frame, his eyes lingering on the exposed skin of her décolletage. “It’s cold too, down there.”

“Oh, yeah. Um—I can give you another blanket if you like,” Ben offered. Rey shifted her position, turning to face him again. She nodded. “I used to hate storms, too.” It’s true, he did hate storms. Ben was afraid of lightning. It was too quick, too flashy, and it could kill you. 

“Why?” she asked lightly.

“They were loud. And dark,” Ben turned his body to face hers. He felt comfortable. 

“You don’t hate them anymore?” she continued.

“I guess I’m just… used to them by now. They’re predictable. There’s lightning then,” Ben held his hand out, his finger up for dramatic effect. Thunder cracked above them, “thunder. And it means I get to stay inside.” Rey huffed a laugh, her lips quirked slightly before falling again. “I also like after the storm—when the sky is all hued and the grass smells like it’s just been through the dishwasher. It’s kinda relaxing,” Ben rambled, trying to keep Rey’s attention. 

Rey sat silently. Her hands were clasped together. Ben sank back into his seat. He started to feel awkward again. 

“Were you going to watch TV?” Rey asked, her voice cut through the white noise. 

“I was,” he replied.

“Can we watch _The Umbrella Academy_?” 

“Huh?” The what now?

“The show. On Netflix.” She said in a tone that insinuated he should _obviously_ know what she was talking about. He shrugged back at her. 

“I’ve—I’ve never seen it before. I was going to watch—”

“It’s really good. Elliot Page is in it. And there’s a _talking_ monkey. They all have superpowers and shit,” Rey interrupted, reaching for the remote as she rambled. “It's…” She slowly turned to look at Ben. “It’s—we don’t have to watch it.”

“No—no! We can watch it. Sounds cool,” Ben assured. He did not watch those kinds of shows, but he would do anything for Rey. _Anything._

She smiled, clicking the remote. She nestled back into the couch. After she hit play on the show, she grabbed a decorative pillow to shove under her head and placed it a fingerbreadth away from his thigh. Ben immediately perked up. Did she realize what she was doing? Did she _know_ what she was doing? Ben rested his hand on the back of the couch. 

Rey talked almost throughout the entire program. Her favorite character was Klaus, which wasn’t the really big guy, Ben noted, as she got abnormally annoyed when he had asked. Diego can’t just throw knives, even though that’s all Ben’s seen him do so far. And Number Five does not have a name, which doesn’t make sense to him. Ben continues to take notes on the show, absorbing every comment Rey makes, tucking it in the back of his mind. Everything Rey says to him sticks with him. 

By the end of the show, Rey’s pillow was resting firmly against his thigh. Her hair tickled the top of his pants. “Can we watch another?” Rey asked, snuggling further into the couch. 

“Y-yeah, sure.”

“M’kay. Might fall asleep,” Rey’s voice croaked. Ben watched her eyes slowly flutter shut, only to open them again and turn her head towards his face. “You sure?”

“Yes, I—liked it. S’good. The monkey is cool.” Ben stuttered, adjusting his body again, hoping to make space between them without her noticing. Rey smiled.

“Yay.”

_

They were both dozing. Ben lost track of what was going on long before he started to fall asleep. Rey however, knocked out 15 minutes into the second episode. The feeling of her resting near him made his chest tighten. He watched her breathe, he watched how peaceful she looked curled up next to him. He noticed how she protected herself in her sleep. Her arms tucked into her chest and under her chin. Her knees were pulled up as far as they were comfortable. She looked beautiful and delicate, scared and pathetic at the same time.

The rain was still pouring heavily. Ben checked the time on his phone, and it was well into the early morning. He could leave Rey here. Or he could be a polite host and help her to her room. Rey would appreciate waking up in her bed. 

He slid his hands underneath her. His large body easily engulfed hers as he scooped her to his chest, cradling her like a newlywed. She stirred, a small groan falling from her lips. Shit, was she awake? Ben hesitated; his breath hitched. Rey settled back into his arms. It’s fine, he assured himself. She was asleep. 

Ben carried Rey to her bed. He laid her down, adjusting the pillow under her head. Ben faltered, watching her breathing pick up. He gently placed a hand on her cheek. His fingers lightly trailed down her face en route to her neck. He ghosted his fingertips across the exposed skin. She was so soft. He didn’t stop there, he gently grazed his hands over her clothes, feeling her body through the thick fabric. He traced the curve of her hip, taking mental pictures of every dip in her figure. He lingered on her ass; his fingers scooped lower to lightly cup her cheeks. 

She looked so beautiful like this, at his mercy. When she was asleep he could pretend she trusted him.

Rey took a deep breath. Ben stopped, turning slowly to meet her face. It’s okay, he assured himself again, she’s asleep. She won’t know. His hands made their way back up her body. He wanted to feel her lips. He wanted to know what they would feel like on his fingers, on his lips, on his _cock._ Just one touch. His thumb rested on her chin before slowly pressing onto the soft pink cushions on her face. Her mouth was parted open slightly. He was tempted to push his thumb in, but that would be too risky. Her lips felt chapped and supple under his touch. Her warm breath prickled the tip of his thumb. A light trail of drool fell from the corner of her mouth. Ben collected the saliva onto his thumb and smeared it across her lips. He watched as they slowly began to shine under the small amount of moonlight that peered through her window. His breathing was getting heavy. 

Rey stirred, groaning and pushing her head towards her pillow. Ben stood abruptly. He slowly began to back away; fearful she might wake up. As soon as she settled, Ben rushed up the stairs as quietly as he could. It’s okay, he reminded himself, she was asleep. 

He couldn't help it. He was hard again. Just _feeling_ her did things to him he did not want to indulge in. He couldn't do this anymore, he felt like a creep. She's taking over his mind, and he hates that he likes it so much.


End file.
